Each person’s libido is as unique as his or her own fingerprints. We all have different experiences, attractions, and desires for how we love to love, and how they love to be loved. Life experiences, culture, one’s confidence, comfort with their own body, body image, all of these things are what impacts an individual of “how to feel and express desire-which ultimately will drive their most inner intimate feelings and wellbeing” and impact how they develop relationships.
Our libido, or sex drive, is a sensation, a feeling of pleasure, euphoria, most inner desires, and a “want to be attractive physically and emotionally”.
We are all born with sex hormones, they drive the sexual function of our body-the feeling of desire, libido, lubrication, and orgasm. We also need to look at sex hormones pathophysiologically and understand they are not just for sex, but each hormone-specifically speaking about progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone have roles in supporting our brain health, bone health, cardiovascular health, and even gut health.
Each of these hormones has over 300 jobs in the body!
So, the health of a person and their lifestyle including eating habits, exercise regime, sleep hygiene, and emotional well-being, can impact a person’s sexual drive. In addition, the BIG ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM is our journey through our lifespan of how hormones decline and the impact that can have on our ultimate sex drive and function.
Factors That Might Impact Libido
“Lovely Libido” is my favorite thing to talk about with my patients. It’s important to note that libido and desire are two different things.
A person's lifespan, experience, and overall health can impact libido. The daily conversation I have with women daily is “I don't feel well, my libido has literally left the building”
The other elephant in the room that can affect one's sex drive is vaginal dryness or lack of lubrication- there is discomfort now with penetration or it takes “a lot of revving up to get in the mood”, and orgasms have changed. Just having these experiences turns off the engine for sure!
There are many reasons a woman’s sex drive and libido may begin to decline, here are the most common:
1 - Age and other influences on hormones
Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone all impact your libido, so when hormonal levels change, so can your desire. Perimenopause, menopause, and pregnancy can all lower libido due to hormonal changes. However, it’s important to note that a lower libido is not inevitable. Some women experience a surge in sexual desire after menopause or during pregnancy.
2 - Pain
Declining hormone levels can lead to vaginal dryness and painful sex, which - understandably - weakens sexual desire. The vaginal area is particularly prone to irritated, dry skin, which can lead women to associate sex with pain, and therefore avoid any intimate contact. Other types of chronic pain can also influence your libido - who wants to think about sex when their brain is busy focusing on a sore back?
Vaginal dryness is one of my favorite topics that I discuss with women daily! Nearly 100% of women post-menopausal will experience dry vaginal skin. Why are we not talking about daily intimate skincare? It's so important to our daily regime!
Due to a gap in the industry, I couldn’t recommend any therapeutic intimate skin moisturizer that restores and protects the most sensitive skin on our bodies. That’s why I developed Fulfillene Intimate Skin Moisturizer - a patent-pending formulation powered by a peptide complex that women can use as a daily intimate skin moisturizer, pre-during-post intercourse, or any time their skin feels dry or compromised!
3 - Stress
Chronic stress not only makes it difficult to think about sex because your brain is too busy, but it can also lead to higher levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. High levels of cortisol can lower your levels of the hormones that influence sexual desire, like testosterone. For women in relationships, relationship stressors can be particularly damaging to sexual desire - it’s hard to think positively about sex if you resent your partner.
4 - Lack of sleep
Sleep is one of the most valuable and fascinating functions of the body. Did you know every 90 minutes of your sleep re-sets a specific function in your body?
Simply put, if we are not sleeping well and we are feeling fatigued all the time, sex isn’t happening!
YES YES YES, we want to sleep!
5 - Medications and alcohol use
Many medications can negatively impact libido, including some common blood pressure treatments and antidepressants. One of the first steps in determining a cause of lower libido should be reviewing any medications with your healthcare practitioner. It may seem counterintuitive, but too much alcohol can also lower your libido. Some studies have found small amounts of red wine can help with libido, but there’s definitely a tipping point at which alcohol is detrimental.
6 - Mental health
Depression is one of the most common contributors to low libido. In fact, one study found that about one-third of premenopausal women experiencing low desire also experience depression. Anxiety also impacts libido, since cortisol levels increase, and anxious thoughts make it difficult to think of other things. Plus, women experiencing anxiety are up to 10 times more likely to experience painful intercourse.
Libido Changes Throughout Life
For women, menopause can be the most challenging time because the change of hormones impacts sexual health at so many levels, not including all the general impacts it has on our overall health.
For men, hormonal changes do impact libido as well, lifestyle, overall health, and well-being, relationships, stressors.
Why aren’t we talking more about libido changes?
This is a great question…
Why did the topic of libido ever become taboo?
Why did women need to hide in a cave and feel like they can't express themselves?
Why do we have to hide it, feel embarrassed or guilty to speak about it?
The bottom line is - we are sexual beings and libido and sexual health are a part of being human!
From my personal experience, I can't tell you how many women come to my office and the discussion starts slow… then the tears come flowing. That's when sexual liberation happens and women stop feeling guilty about talking about their sexual feeling and/or how they have lost their libido!
We break ground together, developing a relationship and a conversation, a language to their symptoms, and bringing their most intimate selves to the forefront. My success has been opening the conversation, allowing for a safe space and comfort around understanding how libido is a part of our health, how it affects our relationships - starting with YOU first!
Education, about how our body does change through our lifespan, and all the other factors that impact our most intimate well-being is the key. In my office we end our conversations with:
“WE WANT THE BEST SEX EVER!
“WE WANT JUICY INTIMATE SKIN!”
“ WE WANT KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF ORGASMS!”
Get that confidence back girl!
Steps To Improving Libido For Him and Her
You might be surprised to hear that I also speak daily with my women who say “Rachael I’m all revved up - now…what about him?”I incorporate sexual health coaching and counseling with every visit because every relationship needs some tips, tricks, or guidance for improvement. There are so many reasons why couples may not be experiencing a connection with libido.
The answer is: let's get to the root cause of WHAT is going on and how we can fix it.
Things partners can start with: The first step is talking about your intimate challenges with your provider… this is an opens discussion here at my practice daily: but along the way below are my few tips to start with:
1- Open communication
A couple once came to me who wanted to improve their sexual intimacy with each other. They are head over heels in love, but the first time they did it, it was awful. She assumed what he likes, and he assumed what she likes…needless to say, it didn't mix well!
So I tasked them to work on communicating each other likes, turn on’s, turn off’s, where to stroke and the pressure, and where is that zone on their body….
2 - Having intimate fun
Intimacy does not equal penetration. It’s the little special moments that can truly build intimacy and improve libido.
Cuddling, kissing, touching each other, tickling each other, lying naked together- even running through the house naked unexpectedly can be so fun! Sometimes just laugh about something that only the two of you share, and remind each other of those conversations. Schedule date nights, wink at each other across from the table, dress up go dancing together, drink a glass of wine, laugh the day away and bust a move in the kitchen making dinner.
3 - Celebrate yourselves as a couple
Celebrate the things you have accomplished as a couple. Remember when you first fell in love and what you loved at that time about each other, and what you love even more now! Simply, reflect on your journey together.
All of these things are about strengthening your relationship and reconnecting your mind, body, and spirit together, creating desire, and fantasy, and ultimately increasing libido.
4 - Work with a practitioner who understands YOU
Clinically address the root cause of your low libido, address hormone health with proper testing, and any imbalances that may be present such as gut health, urinary health etc. There are medications and non-medication options to discuss and we can help!
5 - Invest in intimate skincare
Intimate skin care is essential; women need lubrication in the vulva and the vagina. As mentioned above - Fulfillene Intimate Moisturizer is finally here for you!
Seeking help and finding alternative options is essential. Treatments like Cliovana, can truly impact one’s sexual activity. Cliovana is a completely non-invasive treatment that creates long-term increases in women’s sexual responsiveness and orgasm frequency and intensity. The patented protocol is specifically designed for women and uses safe and proven sound wave technology to stimulate the body’s natural processes, enhancing vascularization and neurogenesis in the clitoris, the area most critical to sexual satisfaction. The treatments are fast and pain-free, with no side effects and no downtime. Cliovana treatments can help naturally improve and restore sexual function, and increase lubrication…ultimately, these treatments really work to turn the engine on! Learn more here!
7. O-shot of vaginal PRP [platelet-rich-plasma]
Using your body's plasma can concentrate the platelets, proteins, and growth factors that can accelerate the healing process. It stimulates the body to a natural response for healing and restoring healthy function-using your own body to heal. The results of this safe, non-surgical 20-minute procedure are dramatic and long-lasting. Women report significant improvement in stimulation, sensitivity, arousal, and sex drive. It also helps with symptoms of urinary incontinence [or leaky bladder].
Here at Innovative Wellness Inc., we have specialized in using PRP for symptoms that may include helping improve:
For Women:
Sexual function and health
Enhancing strength and sensation of orgasm
Increasing lubrication
Decreasing urinary incontinence symptoms
Improving stretch marks
Breast enhancement
Lichens sclerosis
For Men:
Erectile dysfunction
Increase sensation and strength of orgasm
Improves Peyronies Disease
8 - Supplement support
Supplements that improve and fill the gaps that can increase energy, nitric oxide, oxygenation, blood flow, and overall health of your body. Here are two that I recommend for libido support:
Ultimate Libido for Her is a complex formulary blend of nutraceutical and herbal ingredients for the increase of female sexual desire and pleasure. The unique and targeted combination of ingredients provides a safe enhancement for natural testosterone production, optimization of testosterone and estrogen metabolism, increased blood flow, and adrenal support.
Ultimate Libido for Him features the herb Tongkat ali (Eurycoma longifolia), which boasts a variety of published clinical trials touting its effectiveness. This ingredient helps maintain normal testosterone levels which are important for supporting sexual desire and fertility (sperm concentration/motility), as well as mood and energy. The combination of Tongkat ali with DIM, and additional botanicals in Ultimate Libido for Him provides safe support for normal testosterone production, erectile function, and desire!
9 - Eat well and Exercise
It’s true: the foods you eat can improve your sexual desire. Oysters have long enjoyed a reputation as aphrodisiacs, largely because of their high zinc content. Since zinc improves blood flow, it’s thought that sexual organs will experience increased blood flow. If you’re not a fan of oysters, other foods high in zinc include beef, cashews, almonds, and pumpkin seeds.
Chocolate is another food frequently cited as an aphrodisiac, but research hasn’t found much evidence to back this up - but dark chocolate is still a good Valentine’s Day gift ;)
Some studies point to the benefits of a Mediterranean diet on libido. With its focus on foods high in omega-3, such as salmon, and produce high in antioxidants, a Mediterranean diet reduces inflammation, which may have a positive effect on libido.
Regular exercise boosts libido in several ways. Intentional movement improves your mood, improves your body confidence, improves blood flow, and reduces stress. Strength training is one of the most effective forms of exercise because it can raise testosterone levels and improve confidence. In addition, many women report increased desire as a positive side effect of regular yoga practice.
10 - Pelvic floor physical therapy
Many women experience pain with vaginal penetration, and this can lead to an unpleasant sexual experience. In fact, this affects 20-50% of all women, and it occurs when muscles don’t relax completely, or if they contract when they should relax.
Pelvic floor physiotherapy can improve libido by addressing any muscle tension or weakness in the pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor physiotherapy can help to relax and strengthen these muscles, which can improve sexual function and increase libido.
11 - Have more Sex!
Lastly, but perhaps most importantly - have more sex! Having more sex can improve libido by increasing the release of certain hormones, such as testosterone and estrogen. These hormones play a role in sexual function and can help to increase libido.
A healthy sex life matters - and you deserve it!
If you’re experiencing a less-than-amazing sex life, don’t hesitate to call and schedule your consultation. And talking about concerns with an open-minded listener is a great way to start improving your sex life. From there, we will assess any health concerns or imbalances and get your groove back! Because my mission in life is to remind everyone that sex can become even BETTER with age!
Comments